1996 – 2000 Breathing Shame...
These few years I couldn’t describe in any other way as “Breathing SHAME”! I had joy by giving birth to my beautiful daughter Carolees; she is truly still my joy, my friend and my person. I also had a wonderful nursemaid for Carolees by the name of Lilly. She touched my life with goodness, and I am grateful for her.
During this time I divorced, gained my freedom, wrestled with shame and self-forgiveness. I re-married my first husband hoping that all our mistakes would disappear and we would be able to find our way together. I struggled with my self-love, my acceptance and my fear of being accepted by others. The community I had grown up in was no longer a safe place where I was accepted and where I could take part and use my skills and gifts. This was where my singing stopped, and the use of coping mechanisms to be good enough was born. I felt I had to prove I was worthy of acceptance, being a good mother, and a provider.
I also met wonderful people who through their simple love and acceptance, became a family I needed when my close family was 11 hours drive away. Thank you to Rita, Pearl and also the other beautiful Kelly Family.